


Glass

by SquidSoup



Category: MÄR - Märchen Awakens Romance
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-09-01 01:41:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8602213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquidSoup/pseuds/SquidSoup
Summary: Snippets of Alviss and Rolan after the war games.





	

Part of him wanted to believe that a mistake had happened. That his naked arm meant nothing. He was unsure of what exactly that mistake could be, but he so wanted it to not be real.

 

Rolan stared at his arm, moving it again and again in hopes of finding a sign that the tattoo was there and he was mistaken. Or maybe that it had finally taken effect and he just hadn’t noticed.

A voice called out to him, and he turned around to see Alviss with a determined face. Rolan didn’t need to look at him for long for the realization of what had happened to finally sink in and hit him.

 

He shook his head as tears started to roll down, and soon his body was shaking, with denial and grief and fear running through it. He wanted to hate Alviss, he really wanted to feel hate and kill him on the spot to avenge Phantom. But he couldn’t, not right then and there when his emotions were a mess and his head was screaming at him to just end his own life and chase after Phantom once again.

 

And he couldn’t do that either. Rolan stood, crying with the same intensity he did six years ago, except that this time there wouldn’t be a third chance.

 

His eyes were closed shut, and he suddenly felt something enveloping him. Alviss was hugging him, or perhaps “holding” was a better word for it. All of Rolan’s alarms went off, fear and confusion, why are you doing this, why are you holding me so tenderly, you’re my enemy,

 

And he felt Alviss’ hand on his head, running down his hair. Alviss was tired too, he realized, as the other boy’s weight started to slump onto him. Silence followed only with Rolan’s sobbing interrupting it, until he could bring himself to ask a single question.

 

“Why?”

 

A pained "why" was all he could bear to ask, even if it wasn't nearly enough. He got a reply before he could regret asking.

 

“Phantom didn’t love you.” Alviss contorted his chest to drown a sob of his own “But I will.”

 

It didn’t make sense; nothing made sense to them, not their words or their hearts or anything that was happening in the castle, in the world around them. The only real thing was pain, the pain they shared and couldn’t share.

 

As his world fell apart and he was left alone and alive, Rolan clung to the boy he hated and loved.

* * *

The mirror showed his face to him, tired and alive. His hair was shorter than it used to be, but still long enough to fall over his shoulders. Just the right length he needed. He would never let it be cut shorter than that if possible, and he even felt he’d rather die than letting it happen.

 

Rolan took some strands of hair on the left side of his head and started braiding them. A bit thicker than how he used to wear them, but he was doing two rather than four today, two was enough for now, and were he to feel more grief later he could always start over.

 

A hand touched his shoulder and he focused to see Alviss’ reflection in the mirror beside his own.

 

“Hi, Alviss.”

 

“They really do suit you.”

 

Rolan smiled and finished the braid, moving on to the right one. When they were done, he would twist them on his fingers and play for hours. He knew the secret to make it so they wouldn’t come undone with all the fiddling, and secretly prided himself to be likely the only one in MÄR Heaven who knew.

 

Thinking about his secret made his eyes close and his smile turn sad, but his braiding remained flawless regardless.

 

Alviss watched him in silence. Most of their shared time was like this. He thought that maybe the most they talked in a short period of time had been during the War Games. He wondered; had they met under different circumstances, if they would talk more. Many maybes crossed his mind, but he shooed them away. What really mattered was the Rolan he knew then and now and why and how they met each other.

 

Looking to break the silence for once, Alviss leaned closer, just enough to casually rest his arms on the back of the chair without bothering Rolan and watch him. He tried to imagine what they could talk about; what Rolan would like to talk about, and settled for remembering Bell and Nanashi’s conflicting advice, then ignoring it completely.

 

“Did you learn by yourself?”

 

The sudden question surprised Rolan, but he shook his head and watched Alviss’ reflection in the mirror. He was done with braiding, and was playing with his hair now. Alviss never thought about it before, and now he couldn’t help being curious, but the following silence until the answer felt heavier than seconds before.

 

“It was Peta.”

 

Rolan let out a soft laugh.

 

“This may not be something you like, I’m sorry.”

 

Alviss didn’t react at first; trying to place the name on a face he was sure he had tried to forget. Soon enough he remembered and closed his eyes.

“That’s okay.”

 

Rolan let out a big. Recalling those days was exhausting, and he started to braid his hair again. He noticed Alviss frowning, and his heart almost stopped.

“I-I’m sorry, I really s-shouldn’t have-“

“Do you hate Nanashi?”

Rolan was surprised at the sudden question, but he closed his eyes, remembered the little he recalled of Peta’s death. He had been too injured still to recall all of it, but he remembered their lifeless body dropping to the floor with unnerving clarity, and shuddered.

“I...”

Alviss stopped him from lying. “You can be honest. I won’t hold a grudge against you for it.”

Rolan averted his gaze from the mirror and onto the floor.

“A little... I’m sorry, I... I miss them so much, I...” he covered his face and tried his best to not cry “I hate him, but I...”

His muffled sobbing filled the room, and Alviss felt his head grow heavier and heavier, like a sky before the rain. He suddenly felt his body move on his own and kneel before Rolan, taking his hands out of his face and closing his eyes.

He held Rolan’s hands tight, and didn’t realize when he himself had started crying; a storm fostered inside him for so long. “Please,” he begged, “Forget about them, forget with me...”

Rolan said nothing, instead letting go of Alviss’ hands and bringing him close to rest his head on his lap. Alviss felt defeated by him once again, and let Rolan’s hands run through his hair.

* * *

Even though they were more or less living together, sometimes Alviss would go away for days to check on different matters concerning MÄR Heaven. It was never too long, but he always came back as soon as the pit in his stomach became too much to bear. He was too stubborn to admit his fears, but still, he always came back.

* * *

Most of the time it was Alviss holding Rolan, being the one to become a support. In part because he believed that one of them had to be the strong one, and at times Rolan looked like he was made out of glass, ready to break at any moment. And the part he didn’t want to admit was that if he allowed himself to be weak; even if just for a short while; he would never recover. Alviss had already felt so much pain that he resolved to not letting him haunt him.

And even with his best efforts, occasionally he gave in and exposed his weakness. It happened once in front of Nanashi, various times in front of Alan. And every time it happened in front of Rolan, he was the one being held instead.

Rolan was made of glass, but he held Alviss with strength that would feel out of place hadn’t he been a formidable opponent in the past. He would hold him in silence, firmly but tenderly, and stroked Alviss’ back to alleviate the pain of crying. When all they had was the comfort of the dark night and the fabric of clothes and sheets covering them was when Alviss felt the most vulnerable.

At first he struggled to cry, only to end up a mess as Rolan gently picked up his pieces and whispered comforting nonsense not even he understood. Eventually, Alviss let him in, and he let himself soften in his arms.

* * *

They were sitting on the floor during a stormy night, sheets tangled with them and no light other than the occasional lightning. Their bed was right beside them, but there was something oddly comforting about sitting that way, a particular warmth that came with the floor under their legs and their laughter covering the sound of thunder.

Just this once, Rolan let Alviss braid his hair. Despite the lack of light, and Alviss’ clumsy touch, he had asked him to do it on a whim. And he giggled as his hair tangled and heard the boy curse and then laugh at his own lack of elegance.

“Here, l-let me do one for you.”

Alviss nodded and brought his arms down as Rolan reached up and started braiding the short blue hair. In comparison, his touch was much more delicate and careful, and he felt his smile widen. Before they realized it, their faces were close, as Rolan inadvertently got really into what he was doing.

When he was finished, Rolan ran his fingers through it and felt Alviss’ hand on his. Their hearts were beating faster, and their first instinct was to pull away and pretend it never happened, but there were only a handful of centimeters in between of them and oh how warm it felt.

It actually took a few moments of awkward glances and breathy laughs before Alviss finally leaned forwards after whispering a hesitant “Can I?” and Rolan said “Yes” filled with doubt and anticipation at once.

The kiss lasted a good while, if only because they stayed in place with only their breathing as movement. It was uncomfortable, and it hurt a little because neither of them knew what they were supposed to be doing. Rolan swallowed saliva and pulled apart a little to breathe in and out. He felt Alviss’ hand grasp his own, and this time he leaned in to try again.

**Author's Note:**

> It's 5am and I'm not really satisfied with this so I'll prolly go fix it later. Gift once again for the lovely friends that got me into this damn 2003 manga in the year 2016. It veers a lot into headcanon territory but honestly they're probably the only ones who'll read this sho who cares.
> 
> UPDATE 22/1/2017: I was really unhappy with this so I went and edited a bunch of stuff and now it's good. I seriously need to be less impatient and edit things before posting lmao.


End file.
